I had been asked the day before zone conference to accompany one of the elders on the piano for the special musical number. My companion and I barely had time to print out the sheet music, let alone practice it due to our hectic plans. I prepared the best I could - we dragged ourselves out of bed at 5:45 am, asked another set of sisters to get up early and come with us so we wouldn't be alone with the elders at the church, and came an hour before the conference started to practice together. The piece was more difficult than I had anticipated and I could barely manage to make it through the second half of the song. Even though I prayed mightily and hoped fervently, I realized as the minutes slipped past that we just weren't going to be prepared for the musical number. If I could make it through the piece itself it would be nothing short of a sheer miracle.
The morning half of zone conference flew by and before I knew it, the time was approaching for the special (more like disastrous) musical number. I was shaking in my shoes and a nervous pit was forming in my stomach. The moment arrived and we got up, hoping for the best. The poor elder sang beautifully, but the combination of nerves and lack of practice caught up with me and I could barely manage to plink out one correct note in the string of chords. The entire piece absolutely fell apart and it sounded more like alley cats yowling to a chorus of tin cans banging. I couldn't even redeem myself with the closing chord and the poor elder was struggling to know how to finish the song. As I descended the stand, my face hot with humiliation, the frazzled vocalist met me on the way to my seat with a warm handshake of forgiveness. I sagged into my pew and leaned against my stalwart companion, our shoulders shaking with a mixture of laughter and tears. I cried and cried, thinking of all the mistakes and and how acutely embarrassed I felt. Worst of all, I felt like I had ruined the spirit of zone conference.
And then I learned a priceless lesson about the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am not perfect. And that's okay. A feeling of incredible relief washed over me. The world hadn't stopped spinning and the missionaries in that conference still loved me. I didn't have a perfect reputation to uphold and it was incredibly refreshing.
I know that the Savior doesn't expect perfection of us. He performed the Atonement BECAUSE of our imperfect and human state. God's plan allows for mistakes. Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to move a mountain with our first seed of faith, He just expects us pick up our shovel and start digging. Imperfection forces us to rely on God and that is when we truly succeed. There is hope and there is still a light at the end of the tunnel for every member of the imperfect human race. Christ was perfect, which means that we do not have to be.
I know that the liberating power of the Atonement is real. I know that my Savior loves me, regardless of my imperfect daily actions. And I learned from that Christlike elder the importance of forgiveness and compassion. We have to resist the temptation to become discouraged with ourselves or others when we don't perform perfectly. Perfection denies us access to the true power of the Atonement. The Lord doesn't expect us to be perfect, He only expects us to try. That is all the Lord expects of us and we are not authorized to raise the standards the Lord has set for us. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, even as imperfect and human as I may be.
"If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. - Ether 12:27
There is no such thing as perfection while we are here on earth. We are all striving and trying to become better and to change. Repentance is one of the main purposes for us being here on earth and due to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can become more like Heavenly Father as we continually change. God does not expect perfection; He expects progress. I love being an imperfect daughter of God who loves me perfectly!
